Beautiful Olive

Tag: Goals

  • Do You Know What a Loser Is?

    This past Friday, I was prepared to shut down the blog. The internet was full of sadness over the passing of The Queen of Mommy Blogging, The OG Mom Blogger, Dooce. I pored over the tributes and read some of her best posts. I loved her take and will miss her beautiful words. As I took in the commentary from around the planet, I thought “It sounds like blogging is mostly dead. I think there are other platforms like Tik Tok and Instagram and a whole host of others that I know nothing about that must be the platforms of today. I missed the boat and have nothing new to add to these new-fangled ways of communicating. People don’t want to read blogs. They want visual content and it needs to be in 1-2 minute increments.”

    So I decided I would bury Beautiful Olive. Why pay for the website hosting, the Constant Contact subscription, and the domain name rights when it was just sitting out in the internet world languishing with no new content? When blogging was old-school and a thing of yesterday?

    Have you ever tried to cancel an auto-renew subscription? Well, the business-savvy peeps of the world are business-savvy for a reason. And they have figured out that if they make it really hard to cancel an auto-renew subscription, 92% of people won’t cancel it. You can buy almost anything online, without talking to a single person, with a single mouse click. But if you want to cancel something, you have to CALL someone and TALK to someone first. No amount of mouse clicks will get you there. This is why, two days later, I have not yet canceled Beautiful Olive or any of the internet extras that accompany her. I would have to make phone calls and talk to people and I am an introvert. We don’t play that way. We do not like to talk to strangers whose goals are exactly opposite ours.

    So, the blog is still here because it was too much of a pain to cancel it. And, then I woke up today and I decided to write. So, there you go.

    “Do you know what a loser is? A real loser is somebody who is so afraid of not winning they don’t even try.”

    Grandpa, “Little Miss Sunshine”

    It’s Mother’s Day and my typical MO celebration has been to do whatever I want with wild abandon. Mimosas and blueberry muffins for breakfast. Naps. Reading. A dinner fit for a queen, complete with dessert. And wine. Plenty of wine. Sometime after becoming a mom, I declared it the day of indulgence and I always indulged.

    But, some things happened to me over this past week (which I will tell you about in a minute) and all week when my husband or sons would ask what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day this year, I would answer “I don’t know. Not much. I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to have mimosas or blueberry muffins or a bottle of wine or naps. I know that’s what I don’t want. I’ll get back to you…”

    I’ve been on a collision course for the past year with my bad choices and habits. I weigh more than I should or ever have, I drink entirely too much alcohol, I don’t get the exercise I need and my ability to deal with life’s stressors is out of whack. The real struggle is in the knowledge of these things on the one hand and doing nothing about them on the other hand. The cognitive dissonance takes our anxiety to an even higher level and then we are even more unhappy with ourselves. It’s a vicious cycle. Because we are thoughtful, intelligent beings, we really should be able to figure this out. But, we can’t. So, we are losers.

    I’ve had the “Why do I KNOW what I need to do, but do the opposite?” conversation with myself so many times over the past year I’ve lost count. And every time I have had that conversation, I would follow up with “And, are you ready to do something about it?” And every time, the answer was a resounding “Nope. Tomorrow. Come back tomorrow and ask again. Maybe the answer will be different.” And I would stroll off with my glass of wine.

    About a week ago, I had the same conversation, but the answer was different. You can tell when it’s different. It feels like it rises up from your core and is straight-up bellicose. Everything starts to align and suddenly you’re just ready. You holler back at the old self who answered “Nope” every time. “Hey. Old Self. New Me is taking over. We don’t need your help anymore. We got this. Bye-bye.”

    I don’t know what flipped the switch. All I know is that I’ve been praying for it to flip for the past year and I knew I would know when it did. I was glad it flipped on Sunday because I had an appointment for a routine physical on Tuesday. “Whew!” I thought. “This is great! I dodged that bullet! Thanks, Me!” But, apparently, two days of changed habits is not enough lead time for your lab values to be whipped into shape and my doctor called me on Wednesday to tell me that I might need to go on some medication to combat some concerning findings. 😲

    Truth be told, my inactivity, my diet, my relationship with alcohol (that is a really dumb term) was really getting wildly out of control. I think it was pretty dark at times. And when it’s dark, we peer out of the hole and look around at everybody else to see how they’re doing. And when everybody else seems to be doing just fine, we clamp the shell down even tighter, don’t we? But the inner turmoil is still there beneath the surface. Somehow, we can’t figure out how to just do what we know we need to do. We are losers.

    Well, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The switch will flip. The inner turmoil will work its way to the surface and demand a decision about who wins. I woke up this Mother’s Day and I RODE A BIKE for 30 minutes. I drank water and fasted until 2 p.m. I’m writing, not napping. At dinner, I’m going with CAULIFLOWER MASH instead of POTATO MASH. I e-mailed my physician and asked for a 6-month reprieve, medication-free, to get my sh*t in order. And I’ll gladly pay out of pocket to get new labs drawn in 6 months so I can prove that my switch has indeed flipped.

    Will I feel as sure tomorrow or the next day or the next as I do today? I don’t know. This isn’t my first rodeo. We are all a work in progress, all of the time. Today, I woke up and I felt like writing. I felt like riding a bike instead of drinking a mimosa. I felt like eating an orange instead of a blueberry muffin. And I felt like being a better mom to my boys, which means some of my dark, crap habits have to take a back seat. So many of us are fighting crazy fierce battles. We get really good at hiding them from the world. Keep the conversation going with yourself. Let her answer “Nope” as long as she needs to. When the timing is right, she will suddenly answer “Yes” and you will know. And you will always be a winner in my book.

    Happy Mother’s Day, my beautiful friends. You are nothing short of fabulous today and every day.

  • Go Get All That You’re After!

    It’s Sunday. We need fuel for the week ahead. Let’s arm ourselves.

    The Four Stages of Creativity

    Stage 1: The Problem

    Last Thursday, I was told that something that was supposed to be approved/done/operating by this point in time, was now going to take another few months. I was counting on this particular thing to come through. It has the potential to grow my business more quickly and get us into a more stable position. Less worry=happy owner. But, it’s just not going to happen right now. It’s almost completely out of my control, aside from writing a few letters to my state representatives. The Calvary is not coming. They’re busy. It is time to pivot (I am really hating this word).

    When I am delivered a dagger such as this, the feelings are overwhelming. Me, talking to me: What am I going to do??? I was really counting on that coming through and it would have made such a difference. Think. Think. You’ve got to come up with something different. Why does this have to be so hard? There’s got to be another answer, another option, another way to do this. Think. Think. You’ve got to keep fighting, keep clawing, keep climbing. Think. Think. You’re smart. You’ve done this before. You just have to find the right answer. Think. Think. Think! Why aren’t the answers coming??

    All the time I’m having this conversation inside my head, I’m still going through the motions of the day because the day doesn’t stop. I can’t just sit and stare at the wall. People need me to do what I do, no matter the banter inside my skull. So I carry around this urgent, scary matter. It’s not productive, but I carry it because it’s urgent and scary and somebody has got to fix this problem. It’s like a ball and chain around the ankle. I can move all about, I’m not shackled in place, but the damn thing is stuck to me and it goes everywhere I go and it’s ugly and heavy. Stage 1. The Problem.

    Stage 2: LaLa Land

    At some point, my brain becomes tired of carrying this mental anguish around and decides that there has got to be a break. I cut off the ball and chain. I tell it “I know you’re not going away. You’re going to be back here Monday morning. That’s fine. But I need to not think about you right now. I need a break. I need to feel normal and believe that everything is fine.” Then, I spend time doing things that make me feel like there is zero problem. Time with friends, family, a book, a tv show. Something that takes my mind away to a better place. Stage 2. LaLa Land.

    Stage 3: The Creative Process

    LaLa Land typically lasts 12-24 hours. You can’t disengage for much longer than that or there will be even bigger problems than the original problem. Gradually, I start to come back into the mainstream. I take control of some things that can actually be controlled like my schedule, my environment, my thoughts. Grab anything that can be controlled and corral it. For me, it was a cleaning frenzy.

    In the midst of my cleaning, I let my problem edge back into the forefront. Lenny Kravitz, who is just the best there is, was singing to me through all my chores. Creative ways to approach my crisis began to randomly pop into my head. The thoughts were jumbled at first. But, I just kept doing what I was doing – controlling what I can control, in this case, cleaning the bedroom – and just letting the thoughts flow. I was feeling more optimistic and more in control. As ideas were taking on a more concrete form, Lenny belted out “Go get all that you’re after.” Hmmm.

    Go get all that you’re after. Inspiration and energy were creeping in. I was starting to see new ways of looking at my problem. And there was Lenny telling me what to do. I grabbed my husband and we went to lunch. We spent two hours hashing through the ideas that were forming and devising plans for carrying them out. I was operating on all of the cylinders and I felt so in control. It was a great day and the world was deliriously full of promise because I now had a laundry list of solutions. I was ready to fix everything. Stage 3. The Creative Process.

    Then, I woke up the next day…

    Stage 4: The Creative Process Hangover

    This is where you have to be really, really aware. You will wake up the next day and you will question everything you told yourself the day before at the height of your creative inspiration. You will doubt every one of your ideas. You will look them over and think “These might be good ideas, but it’s going to take too much energy to carry them out. I’m not bold enough or brave enough or skilled enough. I don’t know enough. I’m not the right person. I need to slow down a minute and think about this. This might get UNCOMFORTABLE.” Stage 4. The Creative Process Hangover.

    Listen up. NO, YOU DON’T NEED TO SLOW DOWN. DO NOT SLOW DOWN. Do you remember how energetic, how alive, and how inspired you were yesterday when you were in the midst of all those ideas? Remember how good it felt to crack open novel solutions that you knew were the right answer for YOU? THAT is who you are! That is YOU! You are NOT the timid, questioning, cautious, scared person that you think you are. You are brave, bold, and daring and your soul knows it. That’s why it gave you all of that content in Stage 3. That’s why your heart beat the most perfect rhythm, your smile hogged all the facial real estate and your energy was infectious to all who were around you in that creative element. That’s your best you. It just is.

    I don’t know why we can’t live in Stage 3 all of the time, but we don’t get to ask those questions. As near as I can tell, this is the process. Maybe the desperation of an “unsolvable” problem followed by the subsequent LaLa Land escape have to happen first so we can enter this creative nirvana? Problems are not solved when we stick too close to the problem. We have to get off the highway and roam around for a while. Find something else to do. Go bury ourselves in something we CAN control. Pretty soon, the answers will come. When they start to take shape, we have to relish the feeling of empowerment, courage, optimism, and energy. We have to ride that wave for as long as we can. We have to squeeze as many ideas as we can out of that moment. Let it go on for as long as it must! Document, document, document. Journal, Tik-Tok, paper napkin, sketches – put those ideas any and everywhere, but put them down! We will need the evidence tomorrow, I promise you. Stage 4 has never NOT appeared on the heels of Stage 3. I hate her.

    You must expect the creative process hangover. It’s real. Every time I go through one of these really intense dreaming/planning sessions where the ideas and possibilities explode, I have to beware the next day. I wake up and I doubt all those great ideas. I get caught up in the logistics. I get stuck in the “Yes, but…” and I disbelieve that I am the one that has the authority to carry out these dreams of mine. It’s good to ask some questions, but please don’t doubt what your soul told you in those really fruitful moments. The reason you felt so alive and so proud and so full of enthusiasm was that these solutions were true for you. You gifted them to you! They are genuine – use them!

    As I get older, I realize the importance of documenting everything I come up with when I am in Stage 3. Every idea, no matter how wild. We need that hard evidence. We lose our memories as we get older and we won’t remember every one of the great ideas. Only figments. And figments aren’t enough to fend off Stage 4. When Stage 4 comes around you need to gather all of your evidence, your hard-fought ideas, your sketches, your videos, your notes and shove them right into Stage 4’s eyeballs. Fight back. Don’t believe the negativity that Stage 4 feeds you. It is not true. It is not you. You have to go get all that you’re after. You wrote all the good stuff down in notes to yourself, yesterday. That is the truth. Reference it as often as needed. 💪👊

    Have a glorious week, ladies. Go get all that you’re after! XOXO

  • A Menagerie of Things

    Hi! Long time, no see! Sorry about that. 😬

    When I started this blog, I made a deal with myself – that the blog was a HOBBY and that the writing must be enjoyable and never forced. So, I just haven’t felt the passion to write over the past month. If I don’t feel it, the words don’t appear on the screen. It’s just how it is. I hope you have a hobby where you do the same. Hobbies should never be forced. Take a moment (seriously) and make sure that your truest, most beloved hobbies are present when you need them and not required when you don’t. Okay, let’s move on.

    How are you doing at this mid-point of February??? This time of year is always a mixed bag. Maybe you are crushing some of your beginning-of-the-year goals and maybe some of the other goals had to be hurled out the back door, reimagined, or rewritten. February always brings a reckoning of sorts. We have to decide which things we are going to “stick to” and carry right on into springtime and which things we are D.O.N.E. with. Hence, this little write-up. I don’t know what you need right now because mid-February is a motley for all of us as we sort these things out. So I have for you some words of advice, some food ideas (both healthy and not, because we are all in a different space in time) and some cool stuff I’ve found. It’s a menagerie of things and maybe you need one of them!

    First things first. The advice of the day is to keep showing up. Whatever it is you’re grappling with, keep showing up. During the big quarantine that began last March, I started a daily Bible reading practice using the Bible in One Year app. Before last March, I had never really shown up daily to read the Bible. I had a few microbursts through the years, but I had never been this faithful to the practice for such a consistent time. I am now 9/10 of the way through reading the entire Bible. I’ve never done that before.

    And now this is where you think I’m going to say “And wow! This consistency has changed my life!”

    Well, I’m not going to tell you that. The first 6 weeks of 2021 have been HARD. Much harder than I thought they would be when we flipped the calendar over on January 1. I’ve had increasing stresses, worries, and issues that keep appearing and I thought for sure we were going to turn a corner. Multiple times I have mumbled to God “I don’t know how much more of this I can take, God, what is THE DEAL? I need to see the plan. I don’t think you have the right plan…”

    The other morning I came downstairs, made the coffee, grabbed the Bible and opened the app. Just like I always do. And I distinctly remember thinking “Why do I keep doing this? I’ve been doing this for almost a whole year. Daily, I’ve been showing up and poring over His word. I’ve never been this devoted to this practice before and yet, nothing magical seems to be happening. Things seem messier than ever. I’m running out of ideas. I thought this would bring me closer to God and make my path in life clearer and instead it feels like I am stuck on pause.”

    But, I opened the reading for that day anyway and I sat down and did what I’ve been doing every morning for the past eleven months. Why??? Because in my soul I feel this practice is important and valuable. Even if nothing results that I can tangibly grasp at that moment. Even if nothing results that I can tangibly grasp, ever! This advice is not about whether you should read the Bible or pray or meditate. We’re not getting into religion here. This is about showing up for whatever you believe is important FOR YOU. So, whatever it is that YOU KNOW IN YOUR SOUL to be so important that you just have to keep doing it, keep showing up for that. Even if you can’t see the reward. Because that is the foundation of HOPE. And where there is HOPE there is always another day, another opportunity, another way.

    Now. Onto more whimsical, but equally important things. Let’s talk food.

    Do you need easy ways to feed your kids? Yourself? Do you need healthy? Do you need yummy? Here are several ideas I’ve relied on through the years that have yet to fail.

    • Peanut Butter, Jelly, Banana, Chocolate Chip Sandwiches (PBJB&CC) Hands-down favorite in this household. It’s a little messy. It’s a lot yummy. Butter two slices of bread on the one side and lay them butter-side down on a cutting board. Now spread peanut butter on one piece and jelly on the other. Layer banana slices and chocolate chips on top of the peanut butter. Use a thin spatula to slide the slice off the cutting board (remember, there’s butter underneath there and it’s just messy – as thin a spatula as possible will do the trick), slide that onto a hot griddle or skillet, place the jellied slice on top and let everything get toasty and melty, flipping once. Everybody loves this one. There is just nothing wrong with this sandwich. Not one thing.
    • Nacho Bar Lay out several cookie sheets, lay sheets of foil on top, and power the oven to broil. Lay out any/all fixings you can find. Leftover meat, any and all cheeses, mangos, black beans, onions, peppers. I once made turkey nachos after Thanksgiving and everyone laughed and laughed until they saw my plate. Nacho anything is the bomb. This is a great clean-out-the-fridge idea. Everybody makes their own, the foil IS the plate, cleanup is super easy and everyone is happy, happy, happy.
    • Chicken Sandwiches This is modeled after a sandwich from Quinton’s Deli (Lawrence, Kansas) called the T.A.C. If you’ve been there, you know. You need sliced grilled chicken, avocado, provolone cheese, red onion, and cream cheese. You need honey mustard – we make our own. Mix mayo, honey, and yellow mustard. Keep mixing and tasting until it’s right. I can’t give you specific measurements, that messes up too many kitchen utensils. Just keep mixing, tasting, adjusting until you like it. You need deli bread of some kind – we use hoagies. Butter the inside of the bread and toast or grill the bread before assembly. Please don’t skip this step. Toasted sandwiches are elevated and fancy and we’re trying to mix it up here. Slap honey mustard on both top and bottom slices, layer on provolone, grilled chicken slices, avocado, red onion, and cream cheese slices. We never even have a side dish with this because it is that good.
    • Teriyaki Chicken Wraps This is modeled after a long-since-closed salad and wrap shop on Lawrence’s west side called Razzy’s. RIP Razzy’s, we loved your wraps. You need large tortillas, cooked rice, teriyaki sauce (don’t make your own – you don’t need to see how much sugar goes in there), sliced mango, grilled chicken, red onion, avocado, and lettuce. Layer the ingredients, roll it, eat it. Our kids ask for this on repeat and have been for years.
    • Avocado, Tomato, and Mozarella Bowl Need something healthier than all that yumminess I’ve thrown at you? This is my go-to. I eat this almost every day. Sliced avocado, mozzarella cheese (find it in the deli section – I buy the pearls, they’re already in bite-size pieces and I just tear off what I want), sliced grape tomatoes. Drizzle on olive oil and balsamic vinegar, add salt and pepper. It’s the right balance of healthy fat, protein, and FLAVOR. And it’s a beautiful, colorful bowl of food waiting to be devoured. Have some.
    • Oscar Meyer P3 Portable Protein Pack You want the turkey and cheddar with Dark Chocolate Nut Clusters. You’ll find these near the Lunchables. It’s the perfect portion size and you get the chocolate toffee clusters for dessert. Be aware that there are other P3 varieties, but NONE of the others come with these chocolate nut clusters, which are perfection. Consequently, the grocery store is very often sold out of this pack and yet they have a bazillion of the other varieties. Listen up, grocery stores: Nobody wants your protein packs without the chocolate clusters. Stop cluttering the shelves with nonsense and just order the right amount of the right kind to keep us going! I shop at a Kroger store and many, many times these packs go on sale – last week I could get them for 99 cents apiece. When they do, I buy them all. (It’s probably not helping, because whenever you see someone buy ALL of something, you immediately think you are missing out. Reference Covid, grocery stores, toilet paper, tortillas and yeast in the spring of 2020) As a hilarious aside, my husband said “I don’t understand why you don’t just cut up turkey and cheddar and find a recipe for chocolate clusters and make your own.” BECAUSE THE PORTION SIZE IS PERFECT AND I DON’T HAVE TO THINK OR DECIDE OR PREPARE ANYTHING. I JUST OPEN AND SAVOR. EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMETHING CONVENIENT THAT MAKES THEM HAPPY AND THIS IS MINE. Thank you, Oscar Meyer. Please tell Kroger to buy more.
    • Lily’s Chocolate Bars Stevia-sweetened, for all of you low-carbers out there and genuinely delicious. My favorites are the milk chocolate hazelnut with sea salt and the salted caramel. They come in easy to separate squares, so I just tear off a few small squares whenever I want. These also go on sale at Kroger a lot. I have a stash of bars, all the flavors, none of the guilt…😁

    • Quest Lemon Cake Protein Bar These are also, apparently, hugely popular because my grocery store keeps running out. They’ve even started filling the empty space on the shelf where the lemon bars SHOULD be with all the other flavors. All of the other flavors are fine, but they are NOT lemon cake. Quest bars are expensive, no doubt. But, one bar gets me through an entire day so cost, schmost.

    Okay, enough about food. Now, here are a few other things that I love.

    • Blackwing Pencils I googled “What is the best pencil” and this is what I found. It’s true. I love them. They just feel very special in my hand and the eraser is the bomb. The eraser doesn’t wobble and then suddenly decapitate itself when you try to use it and it doesn’t leave stupid dark smudges. The lead is like butter. And the box is beautiful. If you want a special pencil, this is it. Also, I googled “What is the best pen” and the options are awesome. I don’t have the funds to square that purchase away just yet. Let me know if you have/find a favorite pen. Maybe next month, the finances will free up, per God (see above) and I will also get said pen!
    • The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle This book is wild and brilliant and definitely a little “out there.” But whenever I am freaking out because life feels reckless, I open this book and read something I’ve underlined. There are so many sound pieces of advice in this gem. This book is like having Yoda right there beside you, making everything make sense.

    So there you go. A menagerie of things, depending on where you are and what you need. February can be a bear. I’m cheering for you. I will see you soon. XOXO

  • Period. (Pause) Colon:

    New Year’s Day is THE best holiday of the year (hold tight, I’ll explain). This year I am absolutely gaga over the fact that so many other people believe this to be true, also! 2020 made short work of that. I didn’t even have to campaign. There isn’t a soul around that isn’t counting down the seconds to 2021. And it makes sense – dumpster fires are interesting for a bit but who wants to perpetually watch one for months on end?

    Why not make New Year’s Day your new favorite holiday! You see, New Year’s Day is a zero-obligation holiday. No gifts. No big family gatherings. No travel. No musts. It literally is a holiday whose only reason for existence is that the number designating the year changed. That’s it.

    You don’t have to answer the door and hand out candy. You don’t have to have a bunch of people in your house. You don’t have to buy a bunch of gifts, make a bunch of food, spend a bunch of money, light a bunch of fireworks, or string lights and decorations around the entire front yard. You don’t have to DO anything but you CAN IF YOU WANT TO. That is the beauty of this day (except for the “bunch of people in your house” – please not this year).

    New Year’s Day, as the zero-obligation holiday, is the day when you get to do whatever you want. You want to sleep until noon, eat nachos, and watch football? There you go! You want to get up, start your new exercise routine, meditate, and set your goals? Do it! Do you want to make animal pancakes with the kids, go for an afternoon walk, be in bed by 8 p.m.? It’s all yours! You want to take down every piece of holiday decor, clean every inch of your house, and put your feet up with a glass of wine? Be my guest. Do you want to work on a puzzle? Bake a cake? Meal prep? Boom. All the other holidays boss you around with their fancy to-do lists. New Year’s Day is a holiday just waiting for YOU to tell it what to do.

    But, here’s the bigger reason why I love New Year’s Day. I am a hopeful person. Behind every crap day is the hope of a better day tomorrow. Behind every crap year is the hope of a better year. New Year’s Day has always been this day-long pause in which I take a deep breath, square up the dreams in my head, and rev the engine for what’s to come. Some years I am up early and making resolutions. Other years I am sleeping the day away and eating whatever sounds good (like last year…because my neighbors had an NYE party and they throw the best parties 🎉😁). Who knows what tomorrow will bring?? I will just wake up to that great pause of a holiday and see where it takes me.

    New Year’s Eve puts a period on the past. Bye-bye, 2020. Sayonara. It’s been real – maybe a little too real. And now we are leaving it in the dust.

    New Year’s Day is the pause. Do as much or as little as you want. It is your recess. Your intermission. It is your space between what went down last year and what fantastic adventures await you in the new year. It’s recess and you get to spend your recess however you want. No obligations.

    And then, on January 2nd, you start 2021 like this:

    “2021: _________________________________________

    After the colon, you start listing all the ways you’re going to have a glorious 2021. List as many or as few as you want. The colon is made to handle an endless list or a brief one. I’m sure there are grammar police who would argue, but do we care? No. The list is all about hope for the future and we cannot bog it down with rules.

    See? It’s the best holiday. Go enjoy your day doing whatever it is you want to do. And then? Go explode into 2021 with ferocity, a loving spirit, and a giant grin on your face. The period won’t reappear until December 31st, 2021.