It’s Sunday. We need fuel for the week ahead. Let’s arm ourselves.
The Four Stages of Creativity
Stage 1: The Problem
Last Thursday, I was told that something that was supposed to be approved/done/operating by this point in time, was now going to take another few months. I was counting on this particular thing to come through. It has the potential to grow my business more quickly and get us into a more stable position. Less worry=happy owner. But, it’s just not going to happen right now. It’s almost completely out of my control, aside from writing a few letters to my state representatives. The Calvary is not coming. They’re busy. It is time to pivot (I am really hating this word).
When I am delivered a dagger such as this, the feelings are overwhelming. Me, talking to me: What am I going to do??? I was really counting on that coming through and it would have made such a difference. Think. Think. You’ve got to come up with something different. Why does this have to be so hard? There’s got to be another answer, another option, another way to do this. Think. Think. You’ve got to keep fighting, keep clawing, keep climbing. Think. Think. You’re smart. You’ve done this before. You just have to find the right answer. Think. Think. Think! Why aren’t the answers coming??
All the time I’m having this conversation inside my head, I’m still going through the motions of the day because the day doesn’t stop. I can’t just sit and stare at the wall. People need me to do what I do, no matter the banter inside my skull. So I carry around this urgent, scary matter. It’s not productive, but I carry it because it’s urgent and scary and somebody has got to fix this problem. It’s like a ball and chain around the ankle. I can move all about, I’m not shackled in place, but the damn thing is stuck to me and it goes everywhere I go and it’s ugly and heavy. Stage 1. The Problem.
Stage 2: LaLa Land
At some point, my brain becomes tired of carrying this mental anguish around and decides that there has got to be a break. I cut off the ball and chain. I tell it “I know you’re not going away. You’re going to be back here Monday morning. That’s fine. But I need to not think about you right now. I need a break. I need to feel normal and believe that everything is fine.” Then, I spend time doing things that make me feel like there is zero problem. Time with friends, family, a book, a tv show. Something that takes my mind away to a better place. Stage 2. LaLa Land.
Stage 3: The Creative Process
LaLa Land typically lasts 12-24 hours. You can’t disengage for much longer than that or there will be even bigger problems than the original problem. Gradually, I start to come back into the mainstream. I take control of some things that can actually be controlled like my schedule, my environment, my thoughts. Grab anything that can be controlled and corral it. For me, it was a cleaning frenzy.
In the midst of my cleaning, I let my problem edge back into the forefront. Lenny Kravitz, who is just the best there is, was singing to me through all my chores. Creative ways to approach my crisis began to randomly pop into my head. The thoughts were jumbled at first. But, I just kept doing what I was doing – controlling what I can control, in this case, cleaning the bedroom – and just letting the thoughts flow. I was feeling more optimistic and more in control. As ideas were taking on a more concrete form, Lenny belted out “Go get all that you’re after.” Hmmm.
Go get all that you’re after. Inspiration and energy were creeping in. I was starting to see new ways of looking at my problem. And there was Lenny telling me what to do. I grabbed my husband and we went to lunch. We spent two hours hashing through the ideas that were forming and devising plans for carrying them out. I was operating on all of the cylinders and I felt so in control. It was a great day and the world was deliriously full of promise because I now had a laundry list of solutions. I was ready to fix everything. Stage 3. The Creative Process.
Then, I woke up the next day…
Stage 4: The Creative Process Hangover
This is where you have to be really, really aware. You will wake up the next day and you will question everything you told yourself the day before at the height of your creative inspiration. You will doubt every one of your ideas. You will look them over and think “These might be good ideas, but it’s going to take too much energy to carry them out. I’m not bold enough or brave enough or skilled enough. I don’t know enough. I’m not the right person. I need to slow down a minute and think about this. This might get UNCOMFORTABLE.” Stage 4. The Creative Process Hangover.
Listen up. NO, YOU DON’T NEED TO SLOW DOWN. DO NOT SLOW DOWN. Do you remember how energetic, how alive, and how inspired you were yesterday when you were in the midst of all those ideas? Remember how good it felt to crack open novel solutions that you knew were the right answer for YOU? THAT is who you are! That is YOU! You are NOT the timid, questioning, cautious, scared person that you think you are. You are brave, bold, and daring and your soul knows it. That’s why it gave you all of that content in Stage 3. That’s why your heart beat the most perfect rhythm, your smile hogged all the facial real estate and your energy was infectious to all who were around you in that creative element. That’s your best you. It just is.
I don’t know why we can’t live in Stage 3 all of the time, but we don’t get to ask those questions. As near as I can tell, this is the process. Maybe the desperation of an “unsolvable” problem followed by the subsequent LaLa Land escape have to happen first so we can enter this creative nirvana? Problems are not solved when we stick too close to the problem. We have to get off the highway and roam around for a while. Find something else to do. Go bury ourselves in something we CAN control. Pretty soon, the answers will come. When they start to take shape, we have to relish the feeling of empowerment, courage, optimism, and energy. We have to ride that wave for as long as we can. We have to squeeze as many ideas as we can out of that moment. Let it go on for as long as it must! Document, document, document. Journal, Tik-Tok, paper napkin, sketches – put those ideas any and everywhere, but put them down! We will need the evidence tomorrow, I promise you. Stage 4 has never NOT appeared on the heels of Stage 3. I hate her.
You must expect the creative process hangover. It’s real. Every time I go through one of these really intense dreaming/planning sessions where the ideas and possibilities explode, I have to beware the next day. I wake up and I doubt all those great ideas. I get caught up in the logistics. I get stuck in the “Yes, but…” and I disbelieve that I am the one that has the authority to carry out these dreams of mine. It’s good to ask some questions, but please don’t doubt what your soul told you in those really fruitful moments. The reason you felt so alive and so proud and so full of enthusiasm was that these solutions were true for you. You gifted them to you! They are genuine – use them!
As I get older, I realize the importance of documenting everything I come up with when I am in Stage 3. Every idea, no matter how wild. We need that hard evidence. We lose our memories as we get older and we won’t remember every one of the great ideas. Only figments. And figments aren’t enough to fend off Stage 4. When Stage 4 comes around you need to gather all of your evidence, your hard-fought ideas, your sketches, your videos, your notes and shove them right into Stage 4’s eyeballs. Fight back. Don’t believe the negativity that Stage 4 feeds you. It is not true. It is not you. You have to go get all that you’re after. You wrote all the good stuff down in notes to yourself, yesterday. That is the truth. Reference it as often as needed. 💪👊
Have a glorious week, ladies. Go get all that you’re after! XOXO
Hi! Long time, no see! Sorry about that. 😬
When I started this blog, I made a deal with myself – that the blog was a HOBBY and that the writing must be enjoyable and never forced. So, I just haven’t felt the passion to write over the past month. If I don’t feel it, the words don’t appear on the screen. It’s just how it is. I hope you have a hobby where you do the same. Hobbies should never be forced. Take a moment (seriously) and make sure that your truest, most beloved hobbies are present when you need them and not required when you don’t. Okay, let’s move on.
How are you doing at this mid-point of February??? This time of year is always a mixed bag. Maybe you are crushing some of your beginning-of-the-year goals and maybe some of the other goals had to be hurled out the back door, reimagined, or rewritten. February always brings a reckoning of sorts. We have to decide which things we are going to “stick to” and carry right on into springtime and which things we are D.O.N.E. with. Hence, this little write-up. I don’t know what you need right now because mid-February is a motley for all of us as we sort these things out. So I have for you some words of advice, some food ideas (both healthy and not, because we are all in a different space in time) and some cool stuff I’ve found. It’s a menagerie of things and maybe you need one of them!
First things first. The advice of the day is to keep showing up. Whatever it is you’re grappling with, keep showing up. During the big quarantine that began last March, I started a daily Bible reading practice using the Bible in One Year app. Before last March, I had never really shown up daily to read the Bible. I had a few microbursts through the years, but I had never been this faithful to the practice for such a consistent time. I am now 9/10 of the way through reading the entire Bible. I’ve never done that before.
And now this is where you think I’m going to say “And wow! This consistency has changed my life!”
Well, I’m not going to tell you that. The first 6 weeks of 2021 have been HARD. Much harder than I thought they would be when we flipped the calendar over on January 1. I’ve had increasing stresses, worries, and issues that keep appearing and I thought for sure we were going to turn a corner. Multiple times I have mumbled to God “I don’t know how much more of this I can take, God, what is THE DEAL? I need to see the plan. I don’t think you have the right plan…”
The other morning I came downstairs, made the coffee, grabbed the Bible and opened the app. Just like I always do. And I distinctly remember thinking “Why do I keep doing this? I’ve been doing this for almost a whole year. Daily, I’ve been showing up and poring over His word. I’ve never been this devoted to this practice before and yet, nothing magical seems to be happening. Things seem messier than ever. I’m running out of ideas. I thought this would bring me closer to God and make my path in life clearer and instead it feels like I am stuck on pause.”
But, I opened the reading for that day anyway and I sat down and did what I’ve been doing every morning for the past eleven months. Why??? Because in my soul I feel this practice is important and valuable. Even if nothing results that I can tangibly grasp at that moment. Even if nothing results that I can tangibly grasp, ever! This advice is not about whether you should read the Bible or pray or meditate. We’re not getting into religion here. This is about showing up for whatever you believe is important FOR YOU. So, whatever it is that YOU KNOW IN YOUR SOUL to be so important that you just have to keep doing it, keep showing up for that. Even if you can’t see the reward. Because that is the foundation of HOPE. And where there is HOPE there is always another day, another opportunity, another way.
Now. Onto more whimsical, but equally important things. Let’s talk food.
Do you need easy ways to feed your kids? Yourself? Do you need healthy? Do you need yummy? Here are several ideas I’ve relied on through the years that have yet to fail.
- Peanut Butter, Jelly, Banana, Chocolate Chip Sandwiches (PBJB&CC) Hands-down favorite in this household. It’s a little messy. It’s a lot yummy. Butter two slices of bread on the one side and lay them butter-side down on a cutting board. Now spread peanut butter on one piece and jelly on the other. Layer banana slices and chocolate chips on top of the peanut butter. Use a thin spatula to slide the slice off the cutting board (remember, there’s butter underneath there and it’s just messy – as thin a spatula as possible will do the trick), slide that onto a hot griddle or skillet, place the jellied slice on top and let everything get toasty and melty, flipping once. Everybody loves this one. There is just nothing wrong with this sandwich. Not one thing.
- Nacho Bar Lay out several cookie sheets, lay sheets of foil on top, and power the oven to broil. Lay out any/all fixings you can find. Leftover meat, any and all cheeses, mangos, black beans, onions, peppers. I once made turkey nachos after Thanksgiving and everyone laughed and laughed until they saw my plate. Nacho anything is the bomb. This is a great clean-out-the-fridge idea. Everybody makes their own, the foil IS the plate, cleanup is super easy and everyone is happy, happy, happy.
- Chicken Sandwiches This is modeled after a sandwich from Quinton’s Deli (Lawrence, Kansas) called the T.A.C. If you’ve been there, you know. You need sliced grilled chicken, avocado, provolone cheese, red onion, and cream cheese. You need honey mustard – we make our own. Mix mayo, honey, and yellow mustard. Keep mixing and tasting until it’s right. I can’t give you specific measurements, that messes up too many kitchen utensils. Just keep mixing, tasting, adjusting until you like it. You need deli bread of some kind – we use hoagies. Butter the inside of the bread and toast or grill the bread before assembly. Please don’t skip this step. Toasted sandwiches are elevated and fancy and we’re trying to mix it up here. Slap honey mustard on both top and bottom slices, layer on provolone, grilled chicken slices, avocado, red onion, and cream cheese slices. We never even have a side dish with this because it is that good.
- Teriyaki Chicken Wraps This is modeled after a long-since-closed salad and wrap shop on Lawrence’s west side called Razzy’s. RIP Razzy’s, we loved your wraps. You need large tortillas, cooked rice, teriyaki sauce (don’t make your own – you don’t need to see how much sugar goes in there), sliced mango, grilled chicken, red onion, avocado, and lettuce. Layer the ingredients, roll it, eat it. Our kids ask for this on repeat and have been for years.
- Avocado, Tomato, and Mozarella Bowl Need something healthier than all that yumminess I’ve thrown at you? This is my go-to. I eat this almost every day. Sliced avocado, mozzarella cheese (find it in the deli section – I buy the pearls, they’re already in bite-size pieces and I just tear off what I want), sliced grape tomatoes. Drizzle on olive oil and balsamic vinegar, add salt and pepper. It’s the right balance of healthy fat, protein, and FLAVOR. And it’s a beautiful, colorful bowl of food waiting to be devoured. Have some.
- Oscar Meyer P3 Portable Protein Pack You want the turkey and cheddar with Dark Chocolate Nut Clusters. You’ll find these near the Lunchables. It’s the perfect portion size and you get the chocolate toffee clusters for dessert. Be aware that there are other P3 varieties, but NONE of the others come with these chocolate nut clusters, which are perfection. Consequently, the grocery store is very often sold out of this pack and yet they have a bazillion of the other varieties. Listen up, grocery stores: Nobody wants your protein packs without the chocolate clusters. Stop cluttering the shelves with nonsense and just order the right amount of the right kind to keep us going! I shop at a Kroger store and many, many times these packs go on sale – last week I could get them for 99 cents apiece. When they do, I buy them all. (It’s probably not helping, because whenever you see someone buy ALL of something, you immediately think you are missing out. Reference Covid, grocery stores, toilet paper, tortillas and yeast in the spring of 2020) As a hilarious aside, my husband said “I don’t understand why you don’t just cut up turkey and cheddar and find a recipe for chocolate clusters and make your own.” BECAUSE THE PORTION SIZE IS PERFECT AND I DON’T HAVE TO THINK OR DECIDE OR PREPARE ANYTHING. I JUST OPEN AND SAVOR. EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMETHING CONVENIENT THAT MAKES THEM HAPPY AND THIS IS MINE. Thank you, Oscar Meyer. Please tell Kroger to buy more.
- Lily’s Chocolate Bars Stevia-sweetened, for all of you low-carbers out there and genuinely delicious. My favorites are the milk chocolate hazelnut with sea salt and the salted caramel. They come in easy to separate squares, so I just tear off a few small squares whenever I want. These also go on sale at Kroger a lot. I have a stash of bars, all the flavors, none of the guilt…😁
- Quest Lemon Cake Protein Bar These are also, apparently, hugely popular because my grocery store keeps running out. They’ve even started filling the empty space on the shelf where the lemon bars SHOULD be with all the other flavors. All of the other flavors are fine, but they are NOT lemon cake. Quest bars are expensive, no doubt. But, one bar gets me through an entire day so cost, schmost.
Okay, enough about food. Now, here are a few other things that I love.
- Blackwing Pencils I googled “What is the best pencil” and this is what I found. It’s true. I love them. They just feel very special in my hand and the eraser is the bomb. The eraser doesn’t wobble and then suddenly decapitate itself when you try to use it and it doesn’t leave stupid dark smudges. The lead is like butter. And the box is beautiful. If you want a special pencil, this is it. Also, I googled “What is the best pen” and the options are awesome. I don’t have the funds to square that purchase away just yet. Let me know if you have/find a favorite pen. Maybe next month, the finances will free up, per God (see above) and I will also get said pen!
- The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle This book is wild and brilliant and definitely a little “out there.” But whenever I am freaking out because life feels reckless, I open this book and read something I’ve underlined. There are so many sound pieces of advice in this gem. This book is like having Yoda right there beside you, making everything make sense.
So there you go. A menagerie of things, depending on where you are and what you need. February can be a bear. I’m cheering for you. I will see you soon. XOXO
New Year’s Day is THE best holiday of the year (hold tight, I’ll explain). This year I am absolutely gaga over the fact that so many other people believe this to be true, also! 2020 made short work of that. I didn’t even have to campaign. There isn’t a soul around that isn’t counting down the seconds to 2021. And it makes sense – dumpster fires are interesting for a bit but who wants to perpetually watch one for months on end?
Why not make New Year’s Day your new favorite holiday! You see, New Year’s Day is a zero-obligation holiday. No gifts. No big family gatherings. No travel. No musts. It literally is a holiday whose only reason for existence is that the number designating the year changed. That’s it.
You don’t have to answer the door and hand out candy. You don’t have to have a bunch of people in your house. You don’t have to buy a bunch of gifts, make a bunch of food, spend a bunch of money, light a bunch of fireworks, or string lights and decorations around the entire front yard. You don’t have to DO anything but you CAN IF YOU WANT TO. That is the beauty of this day (except for the “bunch of people in your house” – please not this year).
New Year’s Day, as the zero-obligation holiday, is the day when you get to do whatever you want. You want to sleep until noon, eat nachos, and watch football? There you go! You want to get up, start your new exercise routine, meditate, and set your goals? Do it! Do you want to make animal pancakes with the kids, go for an afternoon walk, be in bed by 8 p.m.? It’s all yours! You want to take down every piece of holiday decor, clean every inch of your house, and put your feet up with a glass of wine? Be my guest. Do you want to work on a puzzle? Bake a cake? Meal prep? Boom. All the other holidays boss you around with their fancy to-do lists. New Year’s Day is a holiday just waiting for YOU to tell it what to do.
But, here’s the bigger reason why I love New Year’s Day. I am a hopeful person. Behind every crap day is the hope of a better day tomorrow. Behind every crap year is the hope of a better year. New Year’s Day has always been this day-long pause in which I take a deep breath, square up the dreams in my head, and rev the engine for what’s to come. Some years I am up early and making resolutions. Other years I am sleeping the day away and eating whatever sounds good (like last year…because my neighbors had an NYE party and they throw the best parties 🎉😁). Who knows what tomorrow will bring?? I will just wake up to that great pause of a holiday and see where it takes me.
New Year’s Eve puts a period on the past. Bye-bye, 2020. Sayonara. It’s been real – maybe a little too real. And now we are leaving it in the dust.
New Year’s Day is the pause. Do as much or as little as you want. It is your recess. Your intermission. It is your space between what went down last year and what fantastic adventures await you in the new year. It’s recess and you get to spend your recess however you want. No obligations.
And then, on January 2nd, you start 2021 like this:
“2021: _________________________________________
After the colon, you start listing all the ways you’re going to have a glorious 2021. List as many or as few as you want. The colon is made to handle an endless list or a brief one. I’m sure there are grammar police who would argue, but do we care? No. The list is all about hope for the future and we cannot bog it down with rules.
See? It’s the best holiday. Go enjoy your day doing whatever it is you want to do. And then? Go explode into 2021 with ferocity, a loving spirit, and a giant grin on your face. The period won’t reappear until December 31st, 2021.
I once heard a man give this advice: When I come home at the end of the day, I visualize myself hanging up the work day’s stresses on a tree outside my door. I know I can pick them up the next morning on my way out. This way, I can come inside to my family and be present, knowing I left my worries outside.
I liked the concept, so I tried to practice this. The way he described it, I pictured him walking up his curved brick sidewalk, draping the problems on his Japanese Maple and then breezing through his red front door. Carefree, of course, because he left his problems on the maple! Duh!
I hit a few snags while trying to make this work, First, this guy assumes a distinct transition between work and home. Before Japanese maple, work. After Japanese maple, home. Line drawn. Done!
My drive home is more like this:
Text one son about haircut while walking to the car; think about first patient tomorrow; ask myself why my car keeps making that clunky noise when I start it; add paper towels to the grocery list; outline email to dental equipment rep in my head; stare at the Christmas decorations while I’m idling at the light; think about how we should gussy up the office for the holidays and that we should play Christmas music over the next week; make mental note to find non-annoying 8-hour Christmas playlist by tomorrow morning; wonder about the decisions I made today; wonder what decisions I’ll have to make tomorrow; think about whether I should ride the bike, play with the dog, make dinner, order dinner or even what IS for dinner? Ladies, even our thoughts multi-task.
So, that’s the first problem. That guy’s line between work and home is a tree that greets him every evening like clockwork. Same place, every day. The line between my work and my home is a hurricane spaghetti model at best. And if it’s a spaghetti model, when/where am I supposed to hang the day’s worries?
The second problem is, I enter my house through my garage (I actually park in the driveway, not the garage, but that’s another story). We do have a tree out there by the driveway, but it’s an ugly pear tree and I don’t really like it. It seems ill-suited for this task. As I walk through the garage there are PLENTY of places I could hang my next-day-worries, not unlike many of your garages I’m sure. But, once I fling my problems into that garage, good luck finding them again! Those problems will disappear into the garage abyss just like my favorite folding chair, the basketball airer-upper, 27 flashlights, 18 Phillips-head screwdrivers and my cute little mini shovel that I have needed and can never find every single May since 2002.
What to do? Where am I going to hang these worries for at least a few hours or days at a time?
I recently started my own business. Last week was slow, which generates stress, anxiety, and a general sense of impending doom. You know how it is: “This isn’t going to work and we’re going to lose everything and live under a bridge!” (Because thoughts like this are super-helpful and productive. That’s exactly why we have them. Duh.) I worked throughout the week tweaking marketing plans, changing my outreach approach, reviewing my advertising and social media outlets. Pretty soon it was Friday afternoon. By that point, the people I needed to market to were long gone, out of their offices and home with their families. I needed to leave it for Monday and go home to my family. But that stupid voice kept prattling away about losing everything and living under the bridge, making my head hurt and my stomach upset. My body felt so heavy. I knew it was time to go home and do the weekend but I was trying to figure out how to do the weekend with this anxiety in the background.
Then I had a thought (thank you, good part of my brain, where have you been anyway?). I walked into the house and told my husband “I’ll be with you very soon. I need about 15 minutes to put some things on paper and prepare for Monday so that my weekend is all about being here, with all of you, and not about work or the bridge we might have to move to.” I grabbed one of my favorite journal books, poured a glass of wine, slapped on the noise-canceling headphones, and began to write. I made a list of 10 things I would do on Monday that would work to move my business forward. Some tasks were small, some were larger, some were scary. Also, I added this to the list: Every time I have a negative/anxious/worried thought this weekend I will immediately refocus back to the present moment and what I have to be thankful for right now. Even if it’s as simple as my dinner plate or the fact that I have fingers and toes.
Guess what? It helped! It wasn’t perfect. My anxious part of my brain is frequently running ahead of the rest of the pack so the thoughts would slam in out of nowhere and interrupt a perfectly fine moment. But I got better at refocusing on being thankful for whatever I could find – one time it was an avocado. I had a good weekend and Monday morning, I picked up the plan and I went to work.
This list gave me permission to relax and spend time with my family knowing that I had a plan for those worries come Monday. It’s not as idyllic as a Japanese Maple along a curved path to the door, but the wine helps! I think I’ll do the same this afternoon. Maybe it will even become a Friday afternoon ritual.
We have to learn to put our thoughts down every once in a while and pick them up later. Our brains do their best work during these breaks and often give us the solutions we are seeking. You need peace this weekend. Find an avenue for that in any way you can because you need a break. Monday will be here soon enough and the list of tasks will be waiting for us and we will be ready to take them on, even if we have to go bridge-shopping! Xoxo
That voice in our head goes all day long, doesn’t it? Sometimes it’s positive. Sometimes it’s negative. Sometimes it’s contemplating what to cook for dinner or reminding you of the need to put gas in the car. Sometimes it’s making a long wish list for the future or telling you to be nervous about something coming up on the horizon. Sometimes it’s just content looking around, feeling the good vibes.
If you read up on the subject, there are actually two inner voices. I call one the outer inner voice. This is what they call the ego in the woo-woo world of books and podcasts. The outer inner voice hardly ever shuts up. It thinks its job is to protect you and to fight for you. It thinks it needs to constantly give you feedback because the world is a dangerous and scary place. It makes you question if you are good enough, stable enough, smart enough, able enough.
The other voice is the inner inner voice. This is the deep down who-you-are at your core. Call it what you want – a spirit, a source, a being, a soul, a light. This is a beautiful voice because it’s at peace, it’s comfortable, it’s vibrant. It doesn’t need to be anything else at that moment. It is very comfortable with what it already knows. It’s just you. Brilliant, beautiful you.
I think it’s hard for many people to hear the inner inner voice. I’ve been trying for a long time to listen more closely to that voice. I’ve done a lot of reading and listening to podcasts about this process and I started where they all told me to start – meditation, prayer, walks, nature.
We’ll start with meditation. I slapped on the noise-canceling headphones and tried varying degrees of meditation. Guided. Not guided. Sitting just right. Sitting in whatever way was comfortable. Inside. Outside. Sometimes at home, sometimes at the office. But nothing really happened. At least not yet. I’ll keep trying – I think it’s good for our minds and bodies. It just doesn’t seem like my real self wants to talk during this process.
So how about prayer? Back in March, when we started quarantine, I developed an early morning habit of reading a bible passage, praying, meditating on it, and journaling. I do it every morning now. It’s become a part of my routine and I miss it terribly if I skip it. I am a spiritual person and this helps connect me to my faith and grounds me in the right mindset as I start my day. But I wouldn’t say this is where I really hear my true inner voice. I read. I pray. And I wait to hear my spirit burst forth with amazing insights for the day ahead. But that hasn’t happened yet and it’s been 8 months now. Again, I’ll keep doing this because I believe it is helpful to me, but my inner inner voice isn’t talking much here either.
What about walking, being in nature? Love it. My mind does wander when I spend time outdoors and I get a lot of creative ideas and fresh perspectives. But it doesn’t feel like I’m hearing from the truest, most inner part of myself here either.
So, last night I was in my bathroom getting ready for bed. I took out my contacts, washed my face, and removed my makeup. This is my routine every single night. Then I climbed up onto the counter between the two sinks, sat criss-cross, and stared at myself closely in the mirror. This is also my routine every single night. I look at my complexion, my eyebrows, my lips, my chin. I check out the pores, the wrinkles, whatever needs to be inspected and I sometimes take the tweezers to whatever needs tweezing. So last night, as I was sitting there looking over my face like I do every night, I was pondering about what to write today. I knew I wanted to write about the inner voice, I just wasn’t quite sure where I was going to go with it.
And then, after I’d stared down the wrinkles, took care of the eyebrows, looked myself over from forehead to chin, I sat there and stared at my eyes. I was looking into them and thinking about how I sit here every night, for as long as I want just staring at myself, never really being critical of what I see. Sure, I adjust the eyebrows and fix a few things up, but it dawned on me that I never engage in negative self-talk while I’m sitting on this bathroom counter at the end of the day. I don’t wish for my complexion or my hair or my eyes to be different than they are. I just look them over and know they are exactly as they are supposed to be. While I do this, my mind will wander back through the day, turning over the events and looking at them from different perspectives. Then it will wander into what is to come tomorrow, looking that over from different angles. Then sometimes it wanders into my goals and dreams and ponders how to make them happen. It’s all kind of slow and non-deliberate and it just does this without my help because I’m busy looking at myself in the mirror. Honestly, I didn’t even realize this was happening in my life every night…
Until last night when I was sitting on that countertop thinking of how to blog about listening to my inner voice. I sat there staring at my green eyes from two inches away and boom – I realized that RIGHT HERE ON THIS COUNTERTOP is where I hear my innermost self loud and clear. Here’s why:
- I’m by myself. Not right away, mind you. Because as soon as you climb up onto the counter to have some serious alone time with your face, the people come from all throughout the house to ask questions, get toilet paper, get a band-aid, say goodnight. You name it, they need it. The very premise that you DON’T want anyone asking you why you sit on top of the bathroom counter for long periods of time, staring into yourself, is enough to cause them all to appear. It’s the most Jesus-like act I perform in a day. Sit on the counter, they will come. Never fails. But, eventually, they run out of needs and I get to be all by myself.
- I stay as long as I want. Sometimes I sit there for 25 minutes and my feet get tingly and fall asleep. But I never look at the clock or think about time. This is always at the end of my day, so except for going to bed I have no obligations. I just sit there until I decide I’m done. There is no rush.
- There is no negativity. I don’t wish for different eyes, lips, skin, appearance. I just accept that what I am looking at is how I am made and what I have grown to be today. It’s just me. I’m not sure how this works so effortlessly because many times throughout a day I will glance at myself in the mirror or in a photo and let the ego have a heyday: “time to lose some weight, your clothes don’t look right, your hair looks funny, one eye is lower than the other, nice double chin…” But when I am on my counter at the end of the day, the ego is as quiet as can be. The silence is golden.
- The insights are magical. The ideas, thought processes, creativity just flow right into my conscious space. All kinds of projects are born on that bathroom counter without even trying. They just show up.
Apparently, my bathroom counter is where it all goes down. Who knew? I have been looking everywhere else but there. Maybe meditation or nature walks aren’t really it for you either. Or maybe they are! Maybe your thing is exercising or driving aimlessly in your car. Or cooking or making art. Or staring up at the clouds or watching the sunrise. Whatever it is, identify the space in your life where the ego is at a complete loss for words and you are 100% comfortable being you. THAT, my friends, is where you will find your innermost voice. And she’s perfect.
Olive: Grandpa, am I pretty?
Grandpa: You are the most beautiful girl in the world.
Olive: You’re just saying that.
Grandpa: No! I’m madly in love with you and it’s not because of your brains or your personality.
Have you seen Little Miss Sunshine (2006)? Olive Hoover stole my heart from the minute I met her. At 7 years old, Olive believes that if you want something bad enough and you work hard, practicing every day, you can achieve your dream. When do we stop believing this? Most assuredly, adulting kills the Olives of the world.
I first met Olive when I was 36 years old and I remember thinking “What a glorious personality! I wish I’d met her when I was a child! To feel free to create, perform, dive in head-first despite the fear! Who doesn’t love Olive!?” But, I soon left Olive behind because the very next day my 3rd son was born and, as they say, life took over again. I haven’t thought about Olive for years. Until today.
The purpose of this blog is to feed women funny stories, tidbits of energy, ideas to help us all push forward into another day. We might talk about things as big and terrifying as opening a business and as small and insignificant as eyebrows and socks. Maybe you’ll see things about coffee or wine, how to find balance, or how to find the car keys. We’re most definitely going to talk about how to stop beating ourselves up with our negative self-talk. We’ll just see where this journey takes us. And all blogs need a name and a personality so sweet, beautiful Olive popped right into my brain today!
This blog is written for women. Women who work, women who work at home, women who are raising kids, never had kids, who are married, divorced, single. Women who are having a good time or a rough time, women who just want to make the most of what time we have. Women who are trying to train a new puppy or raise the most challenging child. Women who have lost something precious, who are sick to death of social isolation, women who need a reason to smile right now. Women who wake up with energy, thinking “Today, I will…” and then subsequently hit the pillow that night thinking “Dammit, I fell short again…”
Here is what I am. I am a dentist. I recently opened my own business after working for others for years. I am married. I have three teenage sons. I am more introverted than extroverted. I love my small group of friends and I love my alone time (introvert, after all). I listen to all types of music, I read all kinds of books. I love to learn about new things and share the thoughts that pop into my head. I love words and I like to write. I’m awful in front of a camera and I think my voice sounds ridiculous when I hear it played back to me. Hence, a blog.
Here is what I’m not. I am not a business expert, parenting expert, financial expert. I’m not a gourmet chef, exercise aficionado, or fashionista. I don’t have connections or links to things that will make your life a million times better by Saturday. I don’t have all sorts of tricks, tips, or easier ways to do things. I barely know how to run Instagram. I’m not a crafter and my house will never be Pinterest-ready. I don’t think I really have very many answers. But, I do love a community of women who want to support each other and that is what I want to grow.
I’ve entertained the idea of a blog for a while now. Content would pop into my head, I would get that excited, butterfly feeling that it was interesting and worth sharing and I would resolve to get the blog up and running. And then a few hours later, the inspiration would fade into this:
- It’s probably been shared before.
- Would anyone even want to read it?
- I’m not an expert on this.
- My grammar isn’t good enough.
- I am a dentist, not a blogger.
- It’s not unique enough.
- It’s not interesting enough.
- I’m not smart enough.
- I’m not fit enough.
- I definitely do not have my ducks in a row.
- And so…that was a dumb idea.
Poof. The inspiration fluttered away into nothingness. This has happened at least 150 times in the past two years. But it just so happens that I picked up Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear and on page 90, she gave me a permission slip to write this blog:
“All of which is to say: You do not need a permission slip from the principal’s office to live a creative life. Or if you do worry that you need a permission slip — THERE, I just gave it to you. I just wrote it on the back of an old shopping list. Consider yourself fully accredited. Now go make something.”
So, here we go! I’ll post every couple of weeks (ish). I’ll share ideas and observations about all kinds of things. Business. Work. Family. Recipes. Funny things I see or hear. My only real agenda is to bring more of our internal Olives front and center. Welcome to Beautiful Olive!