8.14.2021.

That was the date of my last blog post.

It was about buying a kayak and floating around by myself with my thoughts.

My modus operandi is to start anew whenever something doesn’t go perfectly. Drop a stitch on the knitting project? Tear it all out and start over. Even better, find a different pattern and move on – that pattern was clearly and inherently FLAWED. Stuck on a crossword puzzle? Turn the page and start with a clean slate. That fresh, white page with all of those empty boxes? There is so much potential there. Letters are dying to be cast into the right spaces and not a single mistake has been made. Stepped away from your blog for a bit too long? Start a new one. No one will know the difference as the internet goes on forever and will swallow whole and without apology whatever you put there. New name, new page, fresh start.

Wait. What?

Have you ever stepped away from something for so long that the thought of going back to it was ludicrous? In October of 2021, I thought “Look at the calendar. It’s time to create a new blog post.” But, in October of 2021, I was in an emotional free-fall and I didn’t care to share. “Later,” I said to myself…

At the end of December, 2021, we were still stuck fixing the broken axles and tie rods of life and, honestly, we were slogging. Did anybody really want to read about that? At the start of a new year??? Nope. “Later,” I said to myself…

In February of 2022, the wind changed and we got some much-needed relief. By that point, I was so tired of treading water that I just wanted to sit in my transient cocoon of peace and stare at the blue sky. “Later,” I said to myself…

In April of 2022, big changes were coming to our household and we had to prepare. College, moving out, road trips, and summers spent away from home were all looming. The family body was getting ready to split across the country in ways it never had before. I had to get ready for that. “Later,” I said to myself…

I guess now, it’s “Later.” I don’t like yarn repairs or eraser marks or blogs that aren’t updated according to the calendar. I am the queen of “Get it right from the start or start fresh. Does anybody have to know about the previous starts that never saw the light of completion? Bury the evidence and slap on a new smile, girlfriend!”

302 days have elapsed between 8.14.21 and 6.12.22. That’s too many days. Have you read any of the “How To Blog?” guides? 302 days between posts breaks all the rules and it is exactly how blogs die. Whatever the last page of the internet search is, that is where you will find this blog right now. I’m sure she already died in the water.

But, I still love “Beautiful Olive.” On November 14, 2020, I breathed life into her and it became a thing that I created that had never been. It’s imperfect. It’s definitely not my best work. I don’t even know what my best work is. But, I do think I have to stop covertly tossing out all of my work in the interest of “starting fresh.” Beautiful Olive” isn’t as easily trashed as a pile of yarn or a book of puzzles. Apparently, there is an electronic footprint on the internet. Ergo, she can’t be trashed. My modus operandi hit a snag.

I need to tell you that I still don’t have my kayak. Therein lies another reason I hesitated to return to this page. How embarrassing is that? 302 days ago I announced to you and the whole internet, that I was going to get a kayak. I still have not. I want the kayak. I have a vision for it and exactly how it’s going to help me power through life problems with force. But the kayak is not a part of my life yet, other than in my mind. It’s so hard to circle back to what hasn’t yet been completed, isn’t it? It’s like your unchecked to-do list grows a stadium-size index finger and follows you around, poking you in the shoulder.

So, I don’t have my kayak yet and I waited 302 days to update my blog post. I’m pretty sure my scarf has a dropped stitch or seven, but it’s been in the closet for nine years, so who really knows? It’s hard to be imperfect. Much harder than being perfect, I think. But, I was at REI with my son yesterday and the kayaks are on sale. Here’s to circling back. Have a beautiful week.